Last minute changes – WIPpet Wednesday/ROW80

As it’s the first Wednesday of NaNoWriMo I was all set to share with you a snippet from my new project – a continuation of the scene I shared with you last week.  But Tyler will have to wait a while, because my mind is on other things. The short version is that The Fifth Watcher is all set for its release on the 21st of November and, while that should be the end of that, I haven’t been able to get a scene out of my head all day. So I wrote it, and am now considering adding it in (because we all like to make changes at the last minute!).

I’d like to share it with you for WIPpet Wednesday, and am hoping feedback will help me to determine what I should do. You’ve been so helpful in the past when it comes to this project, and I’m grateful for that.

For the math, I added the day and the month together to give me 16 paragraphs. It’s a little on the long side, but I hope there’s enough action to make it worth your while!

I shifted the instant I received confirmation from Havers, the sound of Audrey’s torment travelling with me – a scream which reverberated inside my head long after she’d blacked out.

As I arrived in the small laboratory, I became aware of two things. Audrey’s sister slumped unconscious against the wall, and three armed men piling through the doorway.

I had mere seconds to react. The renegade heading up the crew had already fired his weapon; his henchmen turning towards the prisoner. Diving in their direction, I hit the floor with a resounding thwack, taking all the weight on my right shoulder.

The jolt made my teeth rattle, but I didn’t think about that, or the aroma of burning cloth from the shot which had grazed my arm. I rolled towards Audrey’s sister, disengaging my own weapon as I fired at the nearest scumbag.

Nate loomed behind the group, his arm around the shooter’s throat. “Are you out of your God-damn mind?” he yelled at me.

I took it for a rhetorical question and kicked out to bring the fight to my level. My shot had found its target, rendering the other man unconscious, so it was two against two.

My opponent was surprisingly strong for his size. He was small and wiry, with protruding joints he used to his full advantage. He jammed his elbow into my shoulder, the pleasure in his eyes letting me know how much he relished the fight.

I barely felt the pain because I was pissed. I’d behaved impulsively and deserved the reminder. That didn’t mean I was in the mood to wrestle with an untrained thug. The sound of battle rose up from the hallway, as my men cleared the building. I used it to focus, pinning my scrawny foe to the floor so I could think for a second.

Nate stepped forward, as if on cue, and jabbed him in the neck with a syringe. “Don’t ever pull that shit on me again.” His voice echoed with barely contained rage. “How am I supposed to watch your back, if you take me out of the equation?”

“It won’t happen again.”

“You’ve got that right,” Nate snapped out, clearly working on his anger. “Because if…” He felt the threat the moment I did, and started to turn.

Cursing myself for the complete lack of preparation, I grabbed his weapon from its holster and fired at the doorway; mine was on the damn floor where I’d dropped it.

Nate glanced at my handy work. “Nice shot,” he said, as we rose to assess the damage.

The renegade officer, a bear of a man at least 6ft 3″, had hit the deck hard. Stepping over him I couldn’t help but feel a wave of pity; he might prefer death to Taylor’s brand of interrogation.

“Why don’t you do the honours?” He motioned towards the hall. “Since you’re hell bent on sticking your neck out.”

I ignored the jibe, bobbing my head through the opening to get a better look. “All clear.”

I know it needs a little work, but I’m hoping the bones are there. I will be doing a cover reveal next Friday (the 14th), so if anyone would like to help out by featuring the cover or allowing me to do a guest post, please let me know. That would be great 🙂

Thanks so much to K. L. Schwengel for hosting and providing us with an opportunity to share with and support one another.

ROW80LogocopyI’ve been concentrating on my writing goals this week, for NaNo, and have about 8,900 words so far. I haven’t connected with as many people this time, but I’m hoping to rectify that. I know we write mostly in isolation, but one of the things I loved about NaNo last year was the sense of community.

My editing goals are on track. I wish I could say the same about my blogging goals, but I haven’t made much progress in that department.

Overall things are good. I’m a little tired, but I’ve been interpreting a lot in the past few days so that takes up most of my brain power!

I hope you’re having a good week, and I look forward to catching up with you.

Thanks for stopping by.


38 responses to “Last minute changes – WIPpet Wednesday/ROW80”

  1. Ahoy there, I’m a little late in commenting, I was reading your WIPet and fed my dog, the writing is good. 8900 words tally is not bad, way better than mine. Keep on trucking, let the mojo do its thang. I wonder how each of our works would come out.
    Best of luck, hopefully your mojo would go into full gear.

  2. Oooo that will be perfect. I want to start doing author spotlights so I can do your cover reveal. 😀 Email me the details. Actually I’ll email you first so I can tell you what I have in mind.

    I can’t wait to read this again when it’s done being edited? 😀

  3. It is wonderful, Melissa. Here’s what I’d worry: Every scene I write ends up woven into the bigger picture. Little pieces must be referred to, remembered, carried forward. How do you add this without substantial rewriting? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

    • I know exactly what you mean and there have been times when I’ve made quite a mess of things and had to backtrack considerably! In this case it will probably add something to the novel – after the original event, Keith’s intervention is referred to and though it reads fine without it, I think I have been subconsciously carrying around this little scene. I thought the reader might quite like to know what happened and it won’t take much to weave it in.

      I’m glad you like it 🙂 It feels complete now…I think I’m almost ready to let this one go!

  4. This was action-packed! I’m not familiar with the story this is part of, so I can’t comment on how it works as a whole, but I like the tension between the narrator and Nate.

  5. Want to do a guest post on Thursday, and yoru reveal on friday? I usually don’t post those days, so I’m wide open for you…if you are interested, I’d love to hear more about your interpreting, and if/how it affects your storytelling. I had never thought about their being different national sign languages…and it’s a little odd to me that I hadn’t, until I read BSL in your profile, and said, “OH! Of course everyone doesn’t want to use ASL!”

    Let me know what you’ve got. I’ll pop by and visit you at NaNo this week – I’ settlng into something of a steady pace, now…

      • Oh, and I suppose my email would be handy…you can find me at memismommyatyahoodotcom. I’m guessing you can translate that!

        I am fascinated by sign language. I was as a child, and then saw how baby signing helped many children communicate before they could talk…and then my daughter, as a toddler, fell in love with Koko, the signing gorilla…

        I would love to hear more, and I bet I have more than a few readers who would, too…

      • I’m fascinated too so it will be nice to share the beauty of the language. It will be interesting I think – for people to learn the differences in grammar (briefly). Thanks again for the opportunity. And the email address! Have a great weekend.

  6. I was honestly a bit lost. Partly is because of lack of context, but the other part is just lack of defining the characters. It might help for the MC to give the “bad dudes” nicknames or sorts…like “the scrawny one” or something like that. I agree that the sentences tend to bog it down. It’s more about him thinking what he’s going to do rather than just doing it, which is odd in this scene because you have it set up that he has to act without thinking in the beginning and just move through the motions quickly. I think the last bit works really well though. Just my thoughts. =P

  7. I’m down for a cover reveal if you want.

    Having been gone from WIPpets all summer and the start of fall, I’m totally clueless. Regardless, I’ll try to help (or do damage). I do feel the scene has something to say about the relationship of Nate and the narrator. If it isn’t expressed elsewhere in the book, I’d say go with it, especially because this is a very action oriented scene and not slow.

  8. I haven’t read enough of the rest of this project to know whether you should add this scene or not, sorry! Questions like that are so dependent on context.

    I’d be happy to do a cover reveal for you — but on the 14th I’m at a workshop outside of Paris. If you’re ok with a delayed cover reveal or some kind of guest post after the 17th, let me know. 🙂

  9. I’m late in commenting as well, but found this fight scene has a sense of immediacy. But it wasn’t until after I read the comments that I realized the main character was a guy and not a woman! Ah, the dangers of reading out of context. 🙂 Re the cover reveal/release, I’d be happy to host you on my writing blog. Want to answer a few questions? You can e-mail me at bluebethleyatyahoodotcom if you like . . . Fine progress!

I’d love to hear from you.

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